Mobile Bay Reef Keepers

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> +++
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> +++
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> +++
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> +++
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> +++
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> +++
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> +++
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
> +++
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> +++
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
> +++
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> +++
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> +++
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> +++
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
> +++
> And the best one for last..................
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
> on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget

Two thumbs up

Those look an awful lot like the smart ass answers I used to write on our work orders when I worked maintenance.

I got a "talking to" more than once about it........

But sarcasm is just so much more fun...

I had the engine missing complaint on a car when I first started working on cars. The SM didn't like the "engine is located as specified in owners manual". Those are some good responses, I may have to remember some of them for when I am feeling like a smart ars.

Oh my

hahaha, those are great!