Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:50 pm
Kart Racer wrote:And yes I also read the articles German Sheprd Girl.
Mobile Bay Reef Keepers
Mobile Bay Reef Keepers - A reef keeping community located in the Alabama and Gulf Coast region.
https://www.mbrk.com/
Tell us your joke stories...
Page 2 of 2
Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 12:33 pm
What articles? They have articles?GermanShepherdGirl wrote:Maybe he just gets it for the articles
Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 7:57 am
No Sex Tonight. I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and
women differ so much, and I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?"
So, she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying: "Can't you just love me for who! I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Let's get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings!
Let me tell you...she was so excited! She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck! I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, Honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear. Let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?" I then said, "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial means as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight, either.
women differ so much, and I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?"
So, she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying: "Can't you just love me for who! I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Let's get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings!
Let me tell you...she was so excited! She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck! I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, Honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear. Let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?" I then said, "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial means as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight, either.
Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:37 am
Smack
Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:14 am
Flu Season and the Church Organist
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?" I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?" I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.
Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:21 pm
Every body loves Foamy.
Check out the Cell phone and "Certified" used cars and women.
http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html
Check out the Cell phone and "Certified" used cars and women.
http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html
Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 9:54 am
Priceless
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't
taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from
the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something
wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing
he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing
in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and
sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the
house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye
staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note
hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts
on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick!:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go get groceries to
make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the
table eating.
Jack asks, "Son. what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind.
You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in
the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order,
so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me
alone, lady, I'm married!"
Broken Coffee Table $39.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing at the right time . . Priceless
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't
taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from
the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something
wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing
he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing
in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and
sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the
house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye
staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note
hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts
on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick!:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go get groceries to
make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the
table eating.
Jack asks, "Son. what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind.
You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in
the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order,
so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me
alone, lady, I'm married!"
Broken Coffee Table $39.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing at the right time . . Priceless
Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:15 pm
Guardfather
Good one! *Still laughing*FOR EXAMPLE
Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:50 pm
Wow, i guess i started a great thread 
.
.Top 10 reasons ...
Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 11:45 pm
David Lettermans reason why there are no black drivers in NASCAR
#10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
#9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
#8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
#7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
#6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
#5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
#4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
#3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
#2 - Can't wear helmet sideways.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
#1 - When they crash their cars, they bail out and run!
#10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
#9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
#8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
#7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
#6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
#5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
#4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
#3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
#2 - Can't wear helmet sideways.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
#1 - When they crash their cars, they bail out and run!